How to create memories for life - Psychologist: ‘This is what you need to create lasting memories’

Shared memories for the whole family, to carry with them through life. Isn't that what we all really dream of creating together? - There's something nice about giving your children a chance to experience things together with them, says psychologist Emelie Blad.

‘Think of that week of skiing together in the mountains. Or the bike rides and hikes across pastoral landscapes with the mountains in the background. For many, this is the height of happiness; moments when the whole family, couple or group of friends have done things together that they then share and remember - both during rainy autumn evenings and throughout life.

Doing and experiencing good things with others is to nurture our relationships, as much with our loved ones as with friends. But how do we create shared memories, ones that shape and enhance our lives? And are there any shortcuts?

Hiking in the Sälen mountains. 

Think a thought

Emelie Blad is a licensed psychologist at Mindler, Sweden's largest digital psychology clinic. She believes that much is about personal experiences.

Photo: Psychologist Emelie Blad.

- ‘But in general, it revolves around why we remember things that were created on special occasions, and not when you're lying on the sofa scrolling on your mobile phone.  It's all about attention, repetition and presence. To create a memory, we need to think a thought, which becomes a memory.  And a thought should ideally be repeated for it to stick. If these ingredients are present, the likelihood of a lasting memory is greater,’ says Emelie Blad.

Another way to help create memories is to have emotions involved, especially strong emotions.

- Strong emotions send signals to the brain that ‘this is something important’. A strong emotion teaches the brain to register the event we are experiencing.  Memories are cognitively created in our brain. It is not muscle memory that creates what we remember. The body has learnt how to ride a bike, but not how it feels to ride a bike.

Climbing park with zipline.

Does it matter whether we are passive or active for memory to stick or become clearer?

- The more the body moves, the more endorphins and thought processes are released. But anything that makes you more present helps. We will never be able to have a strong memory of every day of our lives, we have to be selective with our memories.

One way to create active presence is to do different activities together. Like taking the whole family on a mountain holiday - summer or winter, skiing or cycling.

- So how do families create strong memories of this holiday? First of all, it's about doing things mindfully. When you're out there on the slopes, look around, make a note for yourself and say it out loud. ‘Oh, the wind feels so good on my skin.’

- All thoughts you actively think become records. If you are travelling or cycling without being present in your mind, you will probably not remember it.

Resting in the blueberry bushes.

What do all these memories do to us in the long run?

- All the good memories we can think back on are wonderful, a form of nostalgia. We feel good knowing that we have lived a life with positive memories behind us.

Is it easier to remember if you have done something physically active?

- If you have moved around? It's very individual. But doing something physical together creates a presence together that can be powerful.  Many people become more conscious when they move, run or exercise. Being active releases a lot of endorphins, which are linked to emotions.

So stronger memories of stronger feelings?

- Absolutely. Think of a tough workout. Afterwards, we don't remember how hard it was, but how good it felt. It's a great feeling to have with you.

The same feeling of feeling so pleasantly tired in the body spreads to many after a physical day outdoors, when you come home to the hotel or cottage and cosy up together.

In order to remember good things as an adult, it helps to have done memorable things as a child. According to Emelie Blad, we find it easier to remember things that happened when we were young.

- For adults, there is so much that just becomes noise or randomness. As children, on the other hand, there are many things that are new, such as the first day of school, things that we have to take in because we have not experienced them before.

Memories of the ‘Masters of the Masters’

One person who is keenly aware of how the whole family is shaped by their shared memories is Jens Byggmark. The former alpine slalom champion from Tärnaby, who was also a finalist in ‘Mästarnas mästare’, now lives in a villa outside Stockholm with his wife and two children.

- ‘I grew up in the mountains, so it's very important to me that my children get some of the same feeling. Even though we live in Nacka, I want them to feel as I did when I was a child; the beauty of the tranquillity that the mountains provide,’ says Jens Byggmark.

Photo: Jens Byggmark from the cabin in Sälen with his wife Michaela Delér. 

 It's precisely the total absence of stress combined with the seclusion that is unique to the Swedish mountains, he says.

- ‘It's that stillness, that it feels like another reality - and that other things become less important when you're up there. There's nothing else pulling at you. And it's nice to sometimes go out in solitude and shout a bit,’ Jens Byggmark laughs.

Hiking in the mountains

Ever since the children were very young, the family has been in the mountains together. Now they are gearing up for new challenges, hopefully already this summer, to get close to the mountains, the activities and not least each other.

- ‘We plan to go up to Sälen to both hike and cycle together. The children have been a little too young to go out on hiking trips, they are only 8 and 7 years old. But now I think they're starting to feel big enough to be able to handle some longer distances. We've really talked about being an active family, which is one of the reasons we've chosen to go to Sälen in recent winters: to do something together as a family.

- If we had gone on a traditional charter holiday, we would probably have been more separated. In the mountains, we ski together and find it very, very fun. I can see the joy in the kids' eyes when they set off down the slopes, and they have to take responsibility for getting round the mountain themselves. That's so cool, and something I remember from when I was a kid. When you're a child, everything up there feels so incredibly powerful.

Mountain Tube in Sälen.

Memories create safety

Emelie Blad believes that there is something really nice about giving your children the chance to create shared experiences with them. It also strengthens the family.

- ‘Creating shared memories makes everyone feel stronger, and you feel a sense of belonging with those you share the memory with. It creates a sense of security.

Do you have your own tricks to make memories stronger?

- When I notice that something creates a good feeling in my body, I try to stay in it, and finish thinking. ‘Where am I, what do I feel’? This applies not least to holidays and mountain trips; to try to summarise for yourself what you are doing: ‘Now we are here, and the whole family is happy.’

How to be more present in the moment - 3 memorable tips by Emelie Blad:

‘Both for myself and for my patients, I make a game where we try to define and put things into words, which in turn can more easily become memories. I also try to do things a little slower. Slowing down a bit and even talking slower can be effective ways to break our routines.’

1. List three things you see: ‘I see a house, a bird and a tree’.
2. List three things you hear: ‘I hear a car, the wind and a bird’.
3. List three things you feel: ‘I feel the wind, feel hungry and happy.’

 

This article was published in Aftonbladet 2024-04-30 by Aftonbladet/ Brandstudio and SkiStar.